Hungarian
Tourist Board operatives have been dressing up as sharks and patrolling seaside
resorts in
effort to encourage tourists to holiday at
the Montenegrin government alleged last week.
Sharks have
been sighted off the coast of the popular holiday destination over the last few
weeks, leading in one case to a lifeguard – who witnesses say looked a lot like
Baywatch’s David Hasselhoff except in tighter shorts – frantically ordering
people out of the water. However, government spokesman Slobodan Mladic claimed
the “sharks” were nothing of the sort.
Something fishy in the water
“We have
credible information that Zsolt Zoltán, a local employee of the Hungarian
Tourist Board and well-known agitator for affordable weekend breaks at
he has in fact fashioned a shark fin using empty cereal boxes, sticky-backed
plastic and some model aircraft paint, strapped it to his back and taken to
snorkelling around the beaches. He is clearly trying to scare people into
holidaying in
Mladic
produced records showing that Zoltán had rented out all three Jaws movies from
the local video store in the week preceding the first shark sighting. “This
clearly proves that Zoltán was researching how to fake a shark attack,” said
Mladic. “I’m not sure which Jaws film it was in – probably the first one, as
the other two were rubbish and I fell asleep during them – but I distinctly
remember a scene where a teenager pretends to be a shark to frighten some
large-breasted girls into having sex with him.”
“I think he
then gets his leg bitten off, but I suppose that’s not relevant,” Mladic
continued.
Zoltán
denied the allegations, saying that he did not have to go to such lengths to
attract people to Balaton: “With its crystal-clear waters, top-class
accommodation, wonderful food and copious amounts of women in tiny thongs,
Balaton is clearly a holiday destination that needs no promotion. Just look at
the beautiful pictures in this free flyer.”
Zoltán just a pervert, not agent
Zoltán did
admit to renting out the Jaws trilogy, but said that he simply got a perverse
kick out of watching monsters kill people in increasingly gratuitous, pointless
and bloody ways.
“I also
rented out Friday the Thirteenth last week, but that doesn’t mean I’m planning
on donning a hockey mask and brutally butchering holidaymakers with various
sharp implements in an attempt to create a mass exodus from the shabby, poor
quality Montenegrin resorts to the paradise that is Balaton,” he said. “Having
said that, there is a good deal on chainsaws down at the local DIY store.”
